The day Jesus truly changed my heart.....

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened. Matt. 7:7-8

I grew up in the small, affluent, conservative and predominantly White town of Monterey, California.  My parents, being the wonderfully loving people that they were place me in a Private Elementary School.  I learned at an early age that I was different.  I didn't "feel" as if I was any different than the other kids.  I lived in a house, my parents drove me to school and picked me up, they participated with me in school activities.  My parents were articulate, both held Masters Degrees in Education.  My dad was a teacher and Vice-Principal and my mother was a college professor.  They worked everyday.  I thought I was the same as any other kid.  But I soon learned that although I felt as if I was the same, the kids around me not only thought I was different, but made it a point to tell me that I was different each and everyday.  What was the difference?  I'm glad you asked....The difference was I was Black.

As time went on, and I was in the 6th-7th grade these same people advised me that although I was Black, I was not a typical Black person.  I was well spoken and well behaved, I was a "different kind of Black person", however that did not deter them from calling me "Nigger".   That is where the seed of hatred started...............As I entered High School, and changed schools, many of my classmates remained the same.  My heart began to harden and I found school difficult, socially.  I found my niche in the music and drama departments and this allowed me to open up a little.  One day, in drama class, the drama instructor decided to do and exercise that included role reversal.  My partner was a White male.  He had to play a Black male and I had to play a White female.  It was interesting because I played my role, not dissimilar to my personality and how I would normally talk or act.  But my partner played his role as a criminal gang banger and proceeded to go into a monologue that included a line that I will never forget:  "I'm a Nigga, don't you know I will kill you"?  I wasn't shocked or surprised.  I was furious.  I kept quiet, finished the class and walked away........The hatred was festering........by the time I graduated my heart was completely hardened and I knew that if I did not get a hold of my anger it would lead to a dark place.  I was in Sunday School (as I was every Sunday) and the lesson was on Love.  I had already accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior but I still had hatred in my heart.  The lesson that day taught me that God created us all in His image and that we are to love one another with no condition.  Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, made no difference.  I learned that God wants us to be unified, that Jesus died once for ALL of us.  It was at that time that I knew that the hatred I was feeling toward White people was wrong and that I had to make a change.  I had to admit that I was using the same stereotypical characteristics that some of my classmates used to  judge me.  For weeks after I had this revelation the hatred had not moved from my heart, in fact it worsened.  It was then that I realized that I could not get rid of this hatred on my own or by my own power.  I had to ask God to take away the feeling of hatred.  I had to ask Jesus to occupy my heart so that the evil spirit of hatred could not abide there.  Upon asking the Lord to do this, the feelings of hatred began to be removed.  I learned to meet people where they are. If they hated or disliked me because of the color of my skin I learned to pray for their hearts to change but I no longer blamed or hated them for expressing racist feelings.  I began to pray the prayer that Jesus made while hanging on the cross to die for the sins of the world.  He said: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do".  I am so thankful that those feelings are gone and that they are gone at the loving hand of God.  When I asked Him to come in and change my heart, He did it.....


Young people, stop being angry, stop being mad at the world, your teachers, parents and siblings and embrace LOVE. Stop being bitter about your situation.  Whatever it is that you need to change ask and it shall be given unto you.  If you feel as if you just cannot forgive a family member or friend, or if you have a certain prejudice against a certain group people, or you dislike someone because of something that they have done to you - ask God to remove it.   It is not about asking for material things (house, car, etc) it is about asking for those things that are truly in the will of God.  Certainly it was in His will that I love everyone as my brothers and sisters and so when I asked, He granted it unto me and He will do the same thing for you......